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Fly on the wall

September 13, 2010

I had a weekend full of nature, in ALL its glory. Unfortunately I don’t like bugs, not one bit, not no way, not no how! Just ask the friends who witnessed the extreme overreaction to a daddy long leg crawling on my back during a camping trip this weekend. Bugs creep me out, big time. From the stick bug on one of our tents to the field mouse that hopped across our feet Sunday morning to the 30 gazillion daddy long legs that crawled up onto the top of our tents so when I woke up I had a view of daddy and mommy long legs getting it on to the greenest grass hopper I’ve ever seen, I REALLY overdosed on nature this weekend. Why am I telling you this?

In keeping with the horror that still runs through my brain after almost getting eaten by that spider (ok, whatever, it was big and gross….), thought it’d be appropriate to use this picture with the blog post I had in mind: 

Oh to be a fly on that wall….


Riggleman: KENNEDY!!! You are not professional baseball ready, I’m demoting you to that AAAA that no one knows about that really does exist!!!

Nyjer: Well, clearly Desi and Kennedy don’t know where their boundaries are – we were almost the three stooges out there running for the same pop-up, come on Riggs, tell ’em.

Riggs: Shut up Nyjer, just SHUT UP

Ryan: I’d like to say I didn’t make any mistakes and I’m perfect

Riggs: Yes, Ryan, you are

Dunn: What about me? You gonna keep me with Ryan next season? Huh? Pretty please????

Riggs: Ya know what Dunn? You may be a lot of things but one thing you are NOT is flexible. Either learn how to stop balls from going by you or kiss yours and Ryan’s  BFF relationship goodbye!

Espinosa: what the heck did I sign up for………

Riggs: Hey Rookie, cut back on fielding errors, keep up the hitting, you’ll be fine kid. Just fine.

McCatty: I’m sickened and sad that we have the problems we do. I’ve personally already called Strasburg’s physical therapist and told them we’d pay them $18 million to give him a bionic arm so we get him back in no time.

Pudge: Dude…that kid that got hit with the ball was sooooo mad at you Storen! But I told him I’d kick his butt if he made a move because I work out 13 times a day and had I been a part of the original fight a few weeks ago…..ohhhhh those feeeesh better have watched out!

Riggs: All of you! you think it’s funny we’re going to be below .500 for the 5th year in a row?! I’m moving to the Dominican, no one try to find me, don’t call me, nothing. You’re all playing like 12 year olds – actually, I think my 12 year old nephew plays better than all of you! Except you Ryan, you stay just the way you are.

At least that’s how I imagine it!


Peanuts: Cutie Patooti

September 10, 2010

Totally….buying…..this……sadly, it’s only worth $4 in mint condition.  It’s ok Ryan, you’re worth much much much more to me

Cutie Patooti




Jobu visits the Nats

September 7, 2010


Pedro Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Eddie Harris: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Roger Dorn: Shit, Harris.
Pedro Cerrano: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
Eddie Harris: You trying to say Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?

Easily one of the funniest movie conversations of all time, I’d like to think a little bit of prayer AND possibly a voodoo spirit named Jobu visited the Nats these last few games and put upon them a blessing that resulted in this, and this, and THIS!!!!!

The Nats must have known yesterday was my birthday, beating the Mets 13-3 was one of the best birthday gifts I’ve ever received!

Peanuts: The Real Hero of the Bench-Clearing Brawl

September 2, 2010

One name: Listach.

One thought: If I were to ever need to hire a body guard, I’d check with the Nats first to see if they’d let me borrow Listach for a night.

Watch closely for yourself.  As the only National on the field, Pat leapt into action, pinning down the pitcher in one swift move.

Whether or not Nyjer should have done that is for another post when I have more time. I’ve always like Nyjer, so I’m not sure how to handle the immediate reaction of “HOLY SMOKE!” – I’ll let it simmer for now.


September 1, 2010

The Nats have proven time and time again they have “it” – they just sometimes lose “it” – and when they find “it” again, they return to the field like all-out all-stars, proving they are definitely ESPN Sports Center highlight worthy. We all know the Nats should have a much higher ranking in the NL East than they do, sadly though, they sometimes sabotage their chances – with missed opportunities and amateur defense. 

When not covering our eyes with our hands or screaming out in agony at the television about a bone-headed play, there were quite a few moments when it actually felt really good to be a Nats fan this season. Let’s recap some of those moments shall we?  (in no specific order, I’m really not that organized)

  • The top one has to be obvious for the few people who know me – duh, Ryan’s Robert Redford moment the other night. Here’s the video if you missed it. I have a very child-like crush on Ryan, it’s almost sad.
  • Dunn hits 5 home runs in 3 games – the majority of July for the Nats was abysmal, as was June, but a few solid streaks by Adam Dunn certainly didn’t hurt the team. As a leader in HR’s in the industry, I’m sure glad he’s on our side.
  • Ryan hits his 7th walk-off home run of the season – AGAINST THE PHILLIES!!! While all of Ryan’s walk-off’s deserve mention, this one was especially slanderous, because a.) I was there! and b.) it was against the phillies. NOTHING is sweeter than seeing my man hit the winning home run and ruining the phillies fans trip to DC – which I’m sure is only a trip of pure cruel intentions, and not that of honorable mention.
  • If Michael Morse ran for Mayor of DC tomorrow, I’d vote for him. Hell, if Michael Morse ran for President of the ever-loving United States I’d vote for him! Hopefully he’d pick Bernadina as Vee-P. It only gets better with these two! These outfielders know how to entertain fo show.  There are too many great moments to mention just one. I’m hoping you agree!
  • Nyjer “The Steamroller” Morgan’s hitting a phillies fan upside the head while tossing a ball into the stands.  Classic. It is too bad the fan actually turned out to be a nice guy, but I’m sure given the opportunity he’d throw up on us too.
  • Livo’s sometimes up and sometimes down games turned out to be a big up for him in July as he pitched his second complete game – the man is 35 years old, good times.
  • July 13, 2010 – One time Nats pitcher and defender of the NL during the All-Star game and now an actual threat in the AL, Matt Capps shuts down Big Papi and helps secure the first NL All-Star win in……YEARS!
  • St. Stephen’s debut will forever be etched in my memory as the night I ran out of “woo hoo’s” – seriously, there’s only so many woo-hoo’s you can give during one game, ya know?! I went home utterly drained with a sore throat. But, simply put….best….game….EVA. This guy sums it up nicely.
  • This day. I don’t recall what I was thinking or what just happened with the Nats but I do know I was excited enough to reference the BEST baseball movie of all time.
  • I am sure there’s a 10th. But I’m reserving 10 for the “10th Man” – the many fans who stuck by the Nats through thick and thin the last few years. The fans who would have come to the Nats games this season even without Strasburg. The fans who go in the rain, cold or the heat. #10 is reserved for the times that Nats fans showed up when the team needed us most. And, to my fave Nats bloggers. You make baseball more fun than it already is.

Michael for Mayor!!!!


August 27, 2010

Let me get this done and over with now so I don’t have to apologize anymore, whether out loud or on @ilovethenats.  While I’m not one to rip on my own team, Bryce Harper is not playing at pro level yet so I feel I should be allowed to voice my opinion, for now.  I know, I know – opinions are like a-holes, everyone’s got one. So here’s mine.

DISCLAIMER: Since I am not employed by MLB or the Nats or any sport organization of any kind, I can use my blog for my humble opinions. You should know, however, that when he steps into Nationals Stadium to actually play for our team – I’ll shut my mouth and reserve my comments to myself. Heck, maybe he’ll have grown up by then and proven himself and I’ll actually like him – could very easily happen. I swear. But for now……here’s what I need to get off my shoulders, and I promise you will never have to hear it again.

IMHO, I think Harper is a attention craving whore monger. And I don’t think the world should be drooling over a couple homeruns. Let’s see him hit Strasburg or Lincecum or Halladay or, if we could bring back retiree’s for a minute here… Nolan Ryan or Randy Johnson. THEN, and only then, would I actually give this kid credit.

A. Mohawks are reserved for real men like Mike Green or Beckham.  And no you big D-BAG, chicks don’t like it, especially on children who think they are owed something. I’d say Mike Green is the only real athlete in DC who can pull off the “hawk” because he lacks the douchbaggieness you possess (yep, just made that word up).  Sure, 17 year olds like it – 17 year old females like anything with two legs that doesn’t have acne and drives a nice car.

B. Put a shirt on. No one cares. I promise. Except 17 year old girls. But they don’t count in the real world punk.

C. Thank GOD our owners and managers put it out there already that the war paint is a big no no. The game isn’t about you or how cool you look. Put on your damn uniform and play ball – I don’t care if you feel “electric” with it. If you don’t feel electricity flowing through you now that you are signed at the sweet age of 17, well then you really don’t deserve to be a professional MLB player.

D. Your FB picture should not be of you standing shirtless. Again, attention craving whore monger. Who DOES THAT?! Sure, one could argue there’s a nice place in Clarendon for you, but, grow up kid. No one cares that you have a six pack. There are no other players going shirtless – so stop.

I’m already upset I gave him this much space in my blog – so I’m done. Thanks for listening, or not. Either way, this’ll be the last I say about the biggest tool to ever hit the Nationals ballclub.

Apologies, Updates, 9 Things, Etc.

August 20, 2010

Friends, you’ll forgive my absence if I tell you it’s been an abominable few weeks for me, right? Not that I am even remotely considered in the upper echelon of Nats bloggers, but I know there’s a few friends who enjoy reading my deep and thought-provoking blogs 😉 

I promise my excuses are legitimate. One being a very sick kitty the other being a trip to the ocean for a week where laptops, phones and the outside world in general were not first of mind.

I’m fully prepared to go at this again. Ready. Set. Go.

1. ) Let’s discuss this whole Bryce Harper thing for one minute. I don’t like him. Period. I think he’s a huge d-bag and cannot wait for the MLB to kick his sorry little macho metrosexual too good for everyone’s butt. Like when Dunn steamrolled that rookie a while back – yeah, I kind of want to see him slapped around a bit to remind him that he has a LOT of growing up to do. I don’t know why, but I just can’t stand the kid. Part of it is because he and Bor-ass waited until 11:59 p.m. to make it final. REALLY??? At 17 years old this kid knows nothing!!!! Except now he’s been trained to think the world awaits his every move – Rizzo will be handing him tissues before he sneezes. Disgusting. I’m sure with time I’ll grow to accept him, just let me dislike him for now.

2.) Ryan looks so hot when he gets angry. I wish I had taped the other night’s game. When I’m feeling low or even bored with life’s daily goin’s on’s, I would definitely turn that on and watch him point his face of the franchise finger at that dumb umpire and immediately feel relief. Sorry guys, I’ve never hidden my infatuation with him, why stop now 🙂

3.) Can I just say how impressed I’ve been with our “B” team? Has anyone ever stopped to think that some of the best games have been played minus Willingham, Dunn, Morgan, Pudge and dare I say it, Baseball Jesus himself? Still not a fan of Kennedy, but he’s had a few solid games – maybe he just needs more playing time (although I can’t witness another ERROR by him or I’ll simply poke my own eyeballs out!). I personally am a big fan of Gonzo. I wasn’t upset at all when I saw Ryan get ejected, because I knew our second string man would do just fine. And something has to be said for Harris as well. I’ll save my Morse cheerleading for……

4.) MICHEAL MORSE TRAIN, ALLLL ABOARD!!!!!! Let’s figure out the outfield situation soon please, because I really want to see more of the Bernadina/Morse combo!!!!!!

5.) I will miss the Hammer immensely the rest of the season. Not only because of this, but because I am just a big fan in general.

6.) Dibble = D-Bag. He and Harper will get along great.

7.) SIGN DUNN. Natstown is very split on this decision and I’ll fully stand by my word that we need him more than we don’t need him. There’s no other “Dunn” out there that other teams are willing to get rid of. SIGN HIM.  (Side note – Adam, meet Toby Keith – Toby, meet Adam. It’s UNCANNY. Brothers from another mother?)

8.) I might choose to put tonight’s game against the Phillies on in the background while I do something else, like play Jenga, or do a puzzle, or read a book, or play cards or cook….I fear the Phillies will be back with avengeance on their home turf tonight, as their best pitcher faces our worst. I’m simply afraid to watch. We took two out of three games at home last time, with the last two games being nail biters. Hold strong Nats!!!!!!!  

9.) One question, WHO the F is Mench???? And why haven’t I even heard his name all season??

I’m out of steam, that’s a lot for someone who hasn’t blogged in two weeks. So, with that, here’s hoping we kick the Phillies butts tonight and I’ll see you again soon!